i cried

i cried myself to sleep silently tonight
it hurts
knowing you dont want me right now
its the worst
so bad that i
that i cant even finish this thought
without the fear of electrocuting myself through the key board

and you know what?

i did miss you.
i hid this fact from most people, including myself, for way to long.
in fact, now that we are talking, i couldn't be more happy.
These last few years apart have allowed us to grow up and discover ourselves, is it to soon to re-discover "us"?

i cant wait to hold you, kiss you on the forehead, and tell you, "you were the most beautiful part of my life for an amazing 11 months, and i am hoping that maybe we can try this again." (if this is okay with you)

you hurt me yes, but i have forgiven you many times over for all of it.
I am ready to take all of this on again...hopefully things end for the better this time. Hopefully things never end.

lets see what happens!

I've been wondering...

...if anyone ever really notices the little things i do for them
...if my heart is still in portland somewhere
...if i will ever find "the one", even though i am only 23
...what my biological father would think of me if i ever decided to meet him in person
...how the hell am i going to get out of all this debt
...when i will finally be financially responsible
...if i can actually prove to myself that things always get better
........i mean, they have to right? RIGHT?